Widespread reports on the negative effects of social media use and excessive screen time among young people have led to calls for increased government regulation and parental involvement in their children’s online lives. Photo: Dickson Lee
Opinion
Yvette Lau
Yvette Lau
Why parents must grasp social media’s appeal to help their kids cope
If parents want their children to view them as valuable resources for their personal concerns, the best approach is to understand them and foster trust
Understanding social media’s attraction and the needs it fills will reveal the best ways to support children’s exploration as they develop their sense of self
Social media is a factor in the mental health crisis many young people face today, and we are not doing enough to manage it. According to Statista, internet users in Hong Kong spent an average of more than six hours per day online in 2022, with almost two hours per day spent on social media.
The Education Bureau reported that year that cyberbullying cases in schools had nearly doubled, from 54 in 2017/18 to 105 in 2020/21.
Teens crave social connection and are at an age where they are shaping their own identities. They want ownership of their creativity, freedom to express themselves and, above all, validation from their peers. Social media becomes a platform for them to experiment, take risks and seek this validation.
Excessive use of platforms such as Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram has been linked to mental health issues including anxiety, depression, loneliness and low self-esteem. Social media’s perfectionistic nature can create unrealistic expectations and fuel fear of missing out, or “FOMO”.
As a counsellor, I once supported a 17-year-old client, M, whose parents noticed worrying changes in her behaviour. M’s increased social media usage preceded irritability, emotional outbursts, withdrawal from social activities and a decline in her self-image. Despite her parents’ efforts to engage and communicate, M’s struggles with social media caught them off guard.
I have noticed a troubling rise in similar cases among teenagers. As a parent, I am concerned about the impact social media will inevitably have on my 7-year-old son in the years to come.
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Do you run your social media profile, or is it shaping you?
Do you run your social media profile, or is it shaping you?
Last year, US Surgeon General Dr Vivek Murthy issued an advisory on social media and youth mental health, acknowledging the potential risks associated with content exposure and excessive or problematic use of social media. The advisory outlined comprehensive measures involving various stakeholders to ensure a safer and healthier online experience for children.
While the advisory provides valuable information, it could overwhelm busy parents who are seeking practical ways to support their children with limited family time. If we want our children, especially teenagers, to view us as valuable resources for their personal concerns, we need to understand them and foster trust in the parent-child relationship.
Parents must be a role model and demonstrate what healthy social media usage looks like. Are parents prepared to do that? Some parents rely on social media as their primary form of entertainment and relaxation. These parents could find it uncomfortable engaging in a “do as I say, not as I do” conversation about healthier social media habits with their digital-savvy teens.
I have also found myself distracted by social media at times. I catch myself doomscrolling, especially on long commutes, and self-monitoring can be difficult.
Finding a balance between providing parental guidance and trusting our teens’ judgment on social media can be challenging. To achieve this, it’s crucial to develop a deep understanding of our children, how they engage with social media and the needs social media satisfies within them.
In my experience supporting teens and families with social media risks, I have found that imposing heavy-handed restrictions or enforcing rigid rules around social media is not an effective long-term strategy to promote safer online behaviour. The most significant action parents can take is to have regular conversations with their teens.
Some parents might protest and say, “But my kids are at an age where they never want to tell me anything any more.” It’s time for parents to reframe their mindset about the purpose of conversations with their children. The goal is not to ensure compliance but rather to understand their needs and how social media fulfils those needs.
The reality is that social media is here to stay. For our children to grow into critical thinkers in this digital age, parents must step out of their comfort zone and initiate conversations about their children’s identities both online and offline. It is also crucial to regularly check in with our children as their needs evolve with time.
As parents in this digital age, it is our responsibility to understand the appeal that social media holds for our children and recognise the risks it poses to each child. This understanding allows us as parents to determine the best ways to support our children’s exploration as they continue to develop their sense of self.
Yvette Lau is an experienced mental-health counsellor and former teacher currently based in Hong Kong. For questions or feedback, contact [email protected]
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